Substitute
by Electronis Zappa
Summary: Jesse asks Beca to be his date to his cousin's wedding. I don't own Pitch Perfect or any characters from said movie nor do I own any fictional salespeople for any cell phone company.


**Zap's note:** Don't ask where this came from, I have no idea precisely, but it's here so yay. This is very AU, in this universe Beca went to UCLA instead of Barden. She's old friends with Jesse, and Jesse and Stacie are cousins. Also, Emily is Stacie's younger sister, and therefore Katherine is Stacie's mom. That's the major setup stuff. This will be the last joint project you'll see from us for a little while, I'll let the smeghead cover more details. This includes Six Inches to the Left, She'll Leave You With a Smile, The Pride of Barden, Pitchswapped, and this here on my name and The Timbre Reconfiguration, Olympic Exploits, and Slaying Intersected on Smeg's name. As I said, I'll let him explain now, and then on with the story.

 **Smeg's note:** As Zap mentioned I'm needing a break. I've had a lot of stuff going on in real life and the constant pressure of feeling like I "need" to write has gotten me to a breaking point. I have a thing I'd started a while back that I'm trying to finish, but after that, or possibly before, I'm going on a hiatus. I don't know when I'll get around to updating Devil of Barden, Forgive  & Forget, or anything else I have going. But don't worry, I WILL be coming back to them when I've gotten things straightened out. Until then, folks, feel free to keep reading and reviewing or sending kind notes asking for updates. It's things like that that make me feel inspired to write."

* * *

"Hey Beca, how was your day?" Jesse asked as the short brunette entered the house the two of them shared. She quirked an eyebrow as the wafting scent of taco seasoning on browning ground beef hit her nose.

"Ok nerd, drop the pretense, what do you want?" Beca asked as she took a seat at the small island in the kitchen. Jesse tried to fake an innocent look, but Beca just quirked an eyebrow at him. Just that, that and her silent disbelief that he'd suddenly come down with a desire to cook Mexican food was enough to crack him. Sheepishly he looked around at the spread he was making before shrugging.

"The Mexican was a bit much wasn't it?" Jesse asked, glancing at her briefly before returning his attention to the stove. She grunted in response before reaching over to snag a pinch full of the cheese he'd already gotten out. She had a weakness for cheese, and this slimy bastard knew it too. Still, she wouldn't let him get off too easily and thought it best to just get straight to the point.

"Just a little. Out with it, what are you trying to butter me up for?" Beca urged him on. There were times, Beca knew, when Jesse could take forever to get around to a point. Most times it was easier just to dig straight to the heart of things with him. Fixing him with a no nonsense stare Beca waited until Jesse spoke up again.

"Ok, so, you know how I have this cousin Stacie I went to college with in Georgia?" Jesse asked. Beca waved at him to continue, he should know that she rarely paid attention to him when he spoke about, well nearly anything. She did vaguely recall something about Stacie though. It took her a few seconds before she worked out what it was, however.

"The sex crazed mad scientist or something?" Beca asked, finally getting a glimmering of recognition for the name. Jesse seemed quite impressed that she even remembered that much as he nodded while continuing to cook. When she couldn't come up with anything else she asked, "What about her?"

"Before I ask what I'm about to, I know you're gay, this is simply because I'm desperate and need some cover. She's getting married and I was hoping you'd go with me." Jesse said, turning the flame off when he was satisfied the meat was done cooking. He preemptively held up a hand as well, stalling the outburst he expected at his asking her to join him at a wedding, of all places. Beca Mitchell _did not_ do weddings. Still, she managed to refrain long enough for him to continue explaining, "I got an email from our mutual grandma, saying something about knowing a nice girl she could set me up with."

"Would that be so bad?" Beca asked as she watched him move about, getting the toppings and tortillas ready. He wasn't off the hook, but that did explain a little. Jesse hated people setting him up, something she knew well. With a smirk she couldn't help but add, "I mean, we both know this isn't some silly movie ploy to get me to fall in love with you, because we know that's never going to happen."

"Right, of course not." Jesse shook his head and chuckled, amused by Beca's words. She chuckled for a moment herself at the insane thought, because they both knew it was nuts. Even if she wasn't 110% gay, she and Jesse would never work out. She'd want to murder him after a day. She was still chuckling softly when he dropped a proverbial bomb into the conversation, "And, well, it kind of would be bad. Thing is, I'm sort of seeing someone."

"You are? Since when?" Beca asked, cocking her head, trying to recall if she knew anything about this mystery girl. Despite racking her brain as thoroughly as she could manage, however, she had no information about any new girls in Jesse's life. Which was strange, since he was usually quite open about that kind of thing. Almost to the point of oversharing.

"Well, you know how I went to the AT&T store the other day to get a new phone?" Jesse asked with a sheepish expression. It only got more sheepish, however, as she nodded and gestured for him to continue. With a slight shrug he went on, "I kind of hit it off with this girl that works there, her name's Lily. We've been talking back and forth a bit, we're going out this weekend. It's kind of too soon to take her to a wedding, besides she was saying she's got to go to some training thing in Palo Alto that weekend."

"Do I have to pretend to be Melissa?" Beca asked, suddenly intensely suspicious. If he said yes, she would reach over there and smack him despite the forthcoming tacos. He knew she couldn't stand his bitch of an ex-girlfriend, mainly because she'd told him so roughly every two or three days back when they had been dating. Just because she liked getting little digs in about the idiotic girl she added, "Because there's no way I can be that vapid and shallow."

"No, of course not, no." Jesse shook his head. He almost looked alarmed at the thought, though maybe that was because he knew a physical altercation would have been the result had the answer been yes. Still shaking his head he said, "That would overly complicate things more than they are."

"Fine, but you're sleeping on the floor or the couch or wherever." Beca said after a couple minutes of silence passed while she contemplated the idea. In the end the idea was relatively harmless and it did have a few bonus points. Mainly bridesmaids. Almost exclusively bridesmaids. Decision made, she got up off her stool and started to make herself some tacos.

"Great, I'll call Stacie right now and let her know." Jesse said excitedly as he reached to grab his phone. Giving Beca a one-armed side hug, which the brunette shrugged off as it was interfering with the taco making, she saw him scrolling down his contact list until he got to Stacie. Hitting the call button he moved to the opposite side of their kitchen island and waited while it rang a few times. Before she crunched into her first taco, Beca heard a female voice over the phone before Jesse said, "Hey Stace, I didn't bother you did I? I know it's like 10 out there."

"Hey Jess, no you're fine, I was just putting some final touches on my wedding vows. Let me just… Perfect." Stacie's voice said into the otherwise relatively quiet kitchen as Jesse hit the speakerphone option so Beca could hear the conversation too. She didn't really need to, but wouldn't object. Though it did mean she had to try and eat a bit quieter than she normally might have. Over the speaker they heard a few keys clacking on a keyboard as Stacie obviously typed just a bit more. A couple more clicks, obviously her saving the changes, were followed immediately by the girl's voice saying, "So, what's up, Cuz?"

"Good. Yeah, I'm fine, that's kind of what I'm calling about, I've got a new date to the wedding. Her name's Beca." Jesse said as he nervously rubbed the back of his head, possibly feeling the ghost of the smack Beca wanted to deliver. Beca just smirked at him and started working on another taco.

"Oh, yeah, right because you broke up with Melissa." Stacie said and Beca could hear a rustling coming through the speaker as though the girl on the other end was searching for something. After a moment, Stacie spoke up again as she asked, "What's her last name, for the tablecard?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't think of that sorry. Guess it's a good thing I decided to call for more than just a head's up." Jesse said with a sheepish grin on his face. Hell, she hadn't even needed to see the look to know it would be there. There was just something about Jesse's tone that gave it away. After a moment's pause, though, he looked to her as though giving her one last chance to back out. Instead of doing as she wanted, Beca nodded and so he said, "It's Beca Mitchell."

"Ok, is Beca short for anything, like Rebecca? Stacie asked, and the reason for the rustling earlier became apparent as Beca heard a pen scratching against paper. Of course, at the last word of the other girl's question, she couldn't help but make a face and glare at the phone. She heard Jesse give a quick snort of laughter, which cut off when she turned the look to him.

"No, her name's just Beca, not Rebecca. Don't even think about letting the name Rebecca onto the card, she gets testy." Jesse explained quickly, no doubt hoping to appear to be on her side regarding the matter. Of course, him just saying she got testy about it made her, well, testy. She kept up her glare and he chuckled a little before adding,"She's getting a little irritated right now actually."

"Oh, sorry." Stacie apologized and Beca heard a distinct sound of scratching before it stopped. Beca finally let her gaze drop back to her food where she picked up another taco and started to work her way through it. She had just taken a bite before Stacie asked, "So she's there? Can I talk to her?"

"She's actually eating." Jesse said quickly as Beca almost dropped her taco. He knew she wasn't a fan of talking to people while she was eating. He held up a placating hand to her, another grin having sprung up on his face, before he added,"Trust me you don't want to interrupt that."

"Understandable." Stacie said with a light laugh. Beca felt relief sweep through her, but she kept it off her face as she continued to eat. They both heard the other girl sigh as she continued, "I should get back to the vows, would hate to not have them perfect. See you soon Jesse."

"I gotta go too, see you next week."Jesse said before hitting end. He seemed to take extra care as he took his phone and slipped it back into his pocket before looking at her. Whatever he saw on her face seemed to relieve him enough to say, "Ok, that's all taken care of."

"So where is this thing even at anyway?" Beca asked as she headed to the fridge to get a beer. On her way back she made another couple of tacos from the fixings still laid out on the counter. Jesse seemed to think that it was ok for him to take some now, seeing as how Beca was working on her second plateful.

"Barden, Georgia, just outside of Atlanta, it's where we all went to school." Jesse said as he started fixing his own tacos. Beca added a pinch more cheese to her second helping before sliding back around to the other side of the counter absorbing the news.

"Oh, wow, ok." Beca said. She opened her bottle and took a swig before returning to her seat. Picking up one of her tacos she paused and looked up at Jesse before asking, "Did you get a hotel already? Because my dad lives there remember? We can just stay at his place."

"That works sure." Jesse agreed. Jesse seemed to consider the matter handled as he took a big bite of his own taco and chewed for a minute before he cocked his head to the side. Swallowing his bit he asked, "Wait, he does he know you're gay, right? I won't have to be your beard while at his place, yeah?"

"Of course he knows." Beca confirmed, rolling her eyes for good measure. Whipping out her phone she thumbed it on and quickly opened up her Facebook app before turning it towards Jesse. As she did so she explained, "Dude, my profile pic is some random hot girl kissing me while I was spinning at a lesbian club with a huge rainbow flag behind me."

"Hadn't thought of that." Jesse conceded as his phone started to ring. Beca rolled her eyes again as she looked down at the screen and smiled. That had been a fun night. She hadn't even gotten the girl's name, but man had she been feisty. She looked up at Jesse, though, as she heard him answer his phone saying, "Hey Stacie, everything ok? Weren't you going back to working on your vows?"

"Uh, this Beca chick you're supposed to be dating? Dude, she looks gayer than I am." Stacie ignored Jesse's question. Beca never understood why he seemed to like talking on speakerphone so much. Personally it drove her nuts because she could always hear what was going on in the background whenever he did it to her. Still, Stacie's comment did elicit a chuckle from her which she quickly stifled as the other girl went on, "Like, I Facebook-stalked her and she brings in more pussy than I do, well especially since the Hunter got tamed, but still. Seriously Cuz, what's the deal with her?"

"To be fair, you're not gay." Jesse pointed out. Beca couldn't help shaking her head at him as he argued the technicality. He loved to nitpick, but she supposed that his cousin would probably be about as used to it as she was.

"Which would make her gayer than I am, if she is." Stacie countered which made Beca laugh again. Apparently the other girl was indeed used to it. She was still chuckling as she took a sip of her beer. Stacie, who had obviously heard the noise, spoke up again asking, "Oooh, is she there again? Hi Beca! Who's the hottie in the profile pic, eh?"

"Yes she is, and she's waaaaay too busy eating tacos to answer that. The food kind, not the, you know, other kind." Jesse confirmed, waving his hand at Beca who had opened her mouth to answer. Shrugging at the boy she took up one of said tacos and crunched into it. Jesse, meanwhile, answered Stacie's original point instead as he said, "Grandma Judy heard Melissa and I broke up and she wants to set me up with that Tiffany Carlson girl, her friend's granddaughter. But I just started seeing someone recently, it's too soon to bring her to a wedding and she can't make it anyway, so it's just easier to bring Beca."

"Ah ok then, that makes sense." Stacie said. They heard a few more sounds like fingernails clicking on a keyboard before Stacie spoke up again. The other girl seemed a little distracted, though, as she said, "I'm sure she'll fit right in then. I'll let you go, just wanted to check that out."

"No problem Stace, catch you later." Jesse said, hitting end again as Stacie said goodbye to the pair of them. Jesse shot her a kind of sheepish grin, however, as he turned to look at her. Slipping his phone back into his pocket he said, "Well it appears that she kinda Facebook stalked you. Which, you know, kinda funny given what we'd just been talking about."

"She's getting married next week, didn't think she'd have had time to stalk Facebook pages. Doesn't she have other more important stuff to do?" Beca asked, washing down her last taco with her beer. As she was setting it down her phone pinged in her pocket. Slipping her hand in to grab it she added with a chuckle, "Like, she could be having premarital sex with her husband to be."

"Wife." Jesse corrected distractedly as he went back to eating his own food. Gesturing vaguely with his taco he sort of encompassed her before nodding off towards the east. After swallowing his bite he clarified, "Wife to be, she's marrying a woman. When I said 'you're not gay', it was because she said you're gayer than she is, which is true because she's bi or pan or whatever."

"Ok, hold up nerd." Beca said as she took in the new information. Her brain was struggling to grasp what he saying so she decided that the best option was to just say it out loud and see if it still sounded nutty. Taking a breath she asked, "You're asking your lesbian best friend to pretend to be your girlfriend to fool your grandma at your cousin's lesbian wedding? You clearly didn't think this through did you?"

"Well, only Aubrey's a lesbian, like I said Stacie's not gay." Jesse added as though that point needed to be clarified. Jesse was starting to look like he maybe thought the whole thing was a dumb idea. Sighing he said, "But if it's a big deal you don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Well, you already told her I'm coming, plus it would be nice to see my dad." Beca mused, not wanting him to feel too bad. Finally checking her phone she saw a pending friend request from Stacie and she accepted it with a smile. She Immediately went to Stacie's page and even a cursory glance showed that her friend's cousin was smoking hot. More importantly she seemed to have a bunch of hot friends. The more she thought about the whole wedding thing, the better of an idea it seemed to her. Just to make her point she said, "And free food. Yeah, I'll go with you."

"Thank you so much Beca." Jesse said, a twinkle coming to his eyes. He took two steps towards her as though to hug her before she shot him a glare that stopped him. Instead of doing that he simply stopped and shot her a slightly manic looking grin. Not really wanting to hear what he said next, Beca cringed as he said, "Plus, this way, I could be a good lesbro and be your wingman. Turn your badass Beca Mitchell charm up to 11 and I wouldn't be surprised if you end up having your pick of the available women. Like how you had Erica Harris eating out of your hand at our five year high school reunion last summer."

"It wasn't my hand she was eating out of." Beca muttered with a chuckle as she remembered the fun she'd had. Just thinking back to the night put a slightly wistful smile on the brunette's face. Sighing with fond remembrance she grinned at her friend and said definitively, "But you've got a point. I'm in."

* * *

 **Zap's note 2:** And that's chapter 1. I'll (try to) be working on stuff like the next chapter of Timbre Reconfiguration while he's on his hiatus. Hopefully it won't last that long. I can't handle it if it does. Stuff like The Right Chloe and others of mine not listed above aren't affected by the hiatus, just by my muse's erratic nature


End file.
